Saturday, December 5, 2009

Multiple Orgasms: The Male Perspective

Okay, this was a discussion that I somehow got sucked into, and I am still not sure exactly how that happened. There were some questions and some surprises from some of the things that I said, so I decided (after being asked by at least 2 people) to put it out there.

So here is the fundamental question that I am trying to tackle: How do I, as a man, give a woman multiple orgasms?

First and foremost, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT an everytime occurrence. Any program or advertisement out there that says it will happen is selling something. Be aware of that. Then again, they may just be better at sex than I am, which I freely admit is not only possible, but probable. However, there are many factors at play each time you have sex that can directly affect her enjoyment of the experience?

Consider some examples. Is she:

Now, this is not all on her. Men, are you:
Thinking of only your needs?
Paying attention to your partner?

There is a LOT of responsibility on your part to succeed in this endeavor. Now, let me tell you how I have managed to accomplish this on more than one occasion.

The NUMBER ONE thing I have to do is pay attention to my wife. Is she in the mood, interested in a longer night, and willing to work with me. (Yes she has a role to play in this as well, but I will let my DW explain her side of it.) If she's not ready for it for whatever reason, it will not happen.

Secondly, pay attention to all of her needs. Listen, feel, sense, and respond. Take care of her first. If you can get her to orgasm first, you are well on your way to multis.

Thirdly, don't go first!!! I don't know how to tell you to guarantee this, but let me admit something sad and embarrassing up front. I am pretty much the proverbial "two hump chump." I would always go first, and way too soon for her. When she comes first, everything becomes more sensitive to your touch, caress, fondle, and thrust. In other words, the first orgasm is the hardest. Once she does that, you should be well on your way to building up the next one. It's not like men. Once we come, we want to have a snack or turn on the TV for half an hour. Not so for women. They are still aroused, and can increase if you are paying attention to their needs!!

I learned, over time, that the best thing for me to do was to distract myself. I'd think of cars, guns, TV shows, work, whatever it took to distract me from the sex in which I was engaged. That mental removal helped my longevity.

Now, once you do orgasm, that is when your work really begins. Yes, take the moment and enjoy yourself, but then you need to start kegeling. If you are not familiar with this, then just think of it this way, flex the muscles that you would use to stop peeing. It'll help keep the blood inside the penis. It won't be the best, but it will remain functional if you do it properly. You need to understand that this doesn't just happen. Practice kegeling everyday. Do it 50 times or so. I freely admit that it sounds stupid, but it works.

Also, now is the time for a complete mental 180! Now is the time to focus on everything that you are doing together. Stay in the moment. The sexual activity combined with the kegels will help you stay aroused long enough to regain full strength of a normal erection.

Please note that this is not easy, and there have been times where I had to slow or stop while I worked to maintain that post-orgasm erection. This could even be a good time to switch to some cowgirl position so that you can access the clitoris while she takes over the driver's seat. If she takes charge, you can steal a moment to try and "recharge the batteries."

Please remember that this is not a cure all. These pointers are just that: pointers! This is what has worked for my wife and myself. We have found success, and she has achieved multiple orgasms through my hard work and her... doing whatever it is that she does.

Just for the record, I usually maintain a usable erection for about 10 minutes after my orgasm, although my record is about 30.

On nights that we do this (in recent history, about 2-3 per month) she will have 3 orgasms to my one, although they are usually smaller in power, but longer in time. The one that I am proud of is also our record. We're not sure of the final count, but she had no less than 6 orgasms to my one. Please recognize that phrasing: "our recod"! This is a team sport, and you both have to be on board for it to work. Men, this means you have to work at it!!!

Now, I hope that this helps some of you, but I can only attest to that which has worked for us.


  1. I seriously luff ewe right now Doc! It really takes guts to put it all out there. I think I might print this and laminate it and put it by our bed! Excited to see what DH has to say.

    Wuogkat is one lucky girl! I am interested to hear what she has to say. Can't chicken out now Kat!

  2. Well, I would love to hear whay hubby has to say about this. Of course, I also want to know if it works, but the reaction will be quite interesting to hear.

  3. I, too, am going to show this to my DH, and I think he'll be interested to see this. Without getting too person The Doctor, I'm dying to know how you learned about this?

  4. eta: person=personal. My typing skills are fail.

  5. How did I learn this? Trial and error.

    I learned about kegels prior to our first child's birth and figured WTH, I'll try it too. Turned out to be a good idea. Distracting myself to last longer was just an idea that I had as at one time I thought my goal inlife was to have DW come before me. I HAD to find a way to last longer than 45 seconds. (I can't believe I find it harder to tell that, than the original post...) Other things just came along.

    Although I may be a lot better now, there was a time when sex was so bad that she just allowed me to have it, while I thought that it was only slightly better than masturbation. It took a long time and a lot of work to discover what worked for us.

    I'm sure that we will find more things, as you likely will too. The key is finding what works for the two of you.

  6. I'd just like to say that I really admire you for being so honest and willing to speak on this subject. It was extremely educational!

  7. I envy your wife. It's wonderful to see how much you think about her and how eager you are to make her feel good.
    My husband would never work that hard for my orgasms, actually he doesn't care at all if he gets me off.
    Ah well, not all of us can get the golden ticket ;o)

  8. So glad to hear your comments about this. My husband and I have a record of my 13 to his and it's a fact we are both proud of! It definitely is a product of team work...This was such a great article :)