Monday, November 30, 2009

Homework Assignments 8 and 9

Hello darlings!  I trust that everyone had a pleasant weekend and that the Americans are now stuffed with enough turkey and pumpkin pie to keep them groggy and compliant for a while. 

Why compliant?  Because we're back to positions!  So, do what you need to do to coax your partner into the following:

Assignment # 8:

The See Saw

When you've had enough play-time move on to #9

Assignment # 9:


This one says that it's a modification of Jellyfish.  Let's hope that we have better luck with it.  It looks easier on the knees.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Homework Assignment 7

Okay ladies and gent(s?) in light of the fact that it's Thanksgiving week here in the US and the sheer amount of disfunctionality that's been known to happen, this week is a light week.  In fact, most of you will probably be doing this homework anyway:

Drunken Sex

Don't forget to hydrate afterwards.

Warning: Please do not engage in drinking alcohol if you have any reason for not doing so:  Pregnancy, Designated Driver, Religion ...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Homework Assignment 6

This week we're going to give everyone's knees, backs, and beds a little break.   In addition, this will give those who need to go sign up for a yoga class a chance to find one.  Instead of drawing a card, we're going to talk dirty.

Oh yes, we're going there.

So, this week, find some time and try out some new vocabulary.  ;-)

Suggested reading:

mind of a man: how to talk dirty - this isn't so much of a how-to per se but it's really funny Sexuality, How to Talk Dirty - not a bad article

Urban Dictionary - should you need help finding appropriate slang terms, because seriously medical terminology has no place in bed unless you're a convalescent.

Some Fics with decent dirty talk (there are so many but these are what people have recommended and stuff that comes to my mind):

Dirty Talking Edward C2 on - I haven't read all of these but there are quite a few there.

The phone sex scene from TB&TC by The Black Arrow -  This one's pretty popular.  There's this exchange of power between the two at the very end of the conversation.  In addition, I think that only one foul word is uttered the entire time.

The Screamers by Kiya Raven - Okay, dirty talk in this fic ranges from funny to hot. 

Reality Minus Expectations by mjinaspen - Not what one would typically think of but thinking outside the box works too.

Emancipation Proclamation by kharizzmatic - Quoting poetry in a foreign language in bed totally counts.

Clipped Wings and Inked Armour by hunterhunting - Let's face it, it's mostly dirty talk.  Okay dirty talk, unresolved sexual tension, and heartfail ( ... these are a few of my favorite things ... )

Lambie - Seriously, you should know to just go pull up her profile.  One of my particular favorites is Landscapes, starting with the aptly titled chapter "Lemon."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Multiple Orgasm Rant

Okay, this is a general vent related to the homework. I was working on the written assignment, but got sidetracked as I thought a little more about our experiences over the past two weeks or so. This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, I'm not the one on the fun end of it. I just have to say that this whole "multiple orgasm" thing is just not fair!! I mean, why the hell can't a guy have more than one shot? Okay, that may have been a bad choice of words... But seriously! While it is fun to watch and to know that my effort is appreciated, every now and then... just to shake things up... I'd like to be on the positive end of that without having to wait for half an hour.

Bat Fellatio

Since Homework Assignments 1-3 are still open I thought this little snippet was inspirational. Fellatio may not be just for fun (then again it might be).

Fellatio in Bats

Monday, November 9, 2009

Homework Assignments 4 & 5

I feel that week one's homework went rather well.  Now, we're on to actual sex.  This week may prove more challenging.

Assignment #4:
This is an interesting take on from behind, this one features the woman on top while laying down.

Assignment #5:
And now for something completely different, a squatting technique.

Keep in mind that you may need to try these more than once to make them work.  I think that we learned some valuable lessons from V's post on "Around the Clock II."  Perseverance and a sense of humor might be necessary from here on out. 

Happy researching!

(The Jellyfish is from the funny potato)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Ok, So I Didn't Do the Homework

Hello, my fellow TRAMPS! This is venusfueri, or "v"/"venus" for short (I've had people in RL try to say my alias and let me tell you that second half of the name is kinda tricky so I get interesting pronounciations), one of the other contributors here.

I may have not done the homework assignment - either of them, which makes me a baaaaad student, but I did do something worthwhile - #36, aka the "3 Pointed Star," from the now infamous Sex Deck. Oh and also #22, "Around the Clock II."

I came into possession of the Sex Deck because I recently got married (yeah for newlywed sex!) and received it as a gift for my bridal shower. I think the girl that got it for me got it from babeland.

When I opened the deck, I found it to be quite funny in a way - The New Hubby (aka TNH) and I have done most of the positions that are in the deck although we did not know it. Insert disclaimer here: we are actually each other's firsts (and have been together for almost 10 years) so while at times we can still act like hormonal, virginal teenagers we usually still have fun because if something goes awkwardly and horribly wrong, we still laugh it off.

Like #22 and #36. "Around the Clock II" was first attempted over the summer (in short, the girl is on top of the guy and kinda turns herself around while the guy is still inside) before our wedding. New sex toys, interesting sex deck, hormonal fiance's, hot summer, what could go wrong?

Oh, sooooo many things.

First off, we did not live together; we were still in each other's parent's places because finding a place to live in a decent/nice neighborhood in the city we live in is HELLA hard so we took our time and did end up with a very nice apartment in the end.

Nevertheless, we learned lesson number one the very hard way: unless you at least have a queen-size bed (or an amply sized flat surface that is not cold) you really do not want to try the more complicated positions. Missionary? Fine. Cowgirl? Even better. Doggie style? Damn straight!

But all of those positions (and some other more "classic" ones so to speak) both have the guy and the girl both vertically aligned and pretty stationary. Once you get to the point where the guy is vertical and the girl is moving towards the horizontal then we have spatial issues.

Apologies for the technical/spatial terms. I studied architecture in some way, shape and form for grad school so my mind thinks in a weird visual way.

Lesson Number 2 Learned the Hard Way: I get a case of the giggles. Seriously. I was up on top, sitting and getting ready to go "around the clock" and suddenly for some reason it just all seemed totally funny and absurd. Granted, the situation wasn't helping much: twin bed, tiny bedroom in his parent's place and oh yeah with the parent's bedroom right next door? Yah huh, really sexy. It would be like if Bella and Edward were awkwardly trying to get their groove on with Carlisle and Esme right next door.

Let me just add here though that TNH and I are really good at keeping things quiet when we need to. And knowing when siblings/parents/unwanted people are coming close. It's a refined skill. ;D

Lesson #3 Learned the Hard Way: we weren't lubricated enough. Made going "around the clock" a bit painful and took away the nice gooey feelings of sensation inside.

So, lack of space, lack of lube and a case of the giggles was the cause for fail of #22. That doesn't mean though that TNH and I didn't have a good time - when you go through "droughts" of 2 to 3 weeks at a time, by that point anything is good (our longest "drought" was 7 months, but that was because I was on a different continent for an extended period of time. Reunions = good times).

With Lambie writing TILT and remembering that I was an owner of the Sex Deck, I decided to give the deck another try (or 51 more tries!). Last week, I took the deck out of my "box o' goodies" and tossed it into TNH's lap.

Needless to say, he was the one that picked #36. Stay tuned - was #36 a win or a fail? What stunt did I pull to get TNH to pick one out of the deck?

PS. For those that know, shh!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Homework Assignments 1-3

I am posting our homework in no particular order so that we don't spoil anything from the story. So, to begin we have three easy assignments.

Assignment #1
Fellatio, pick one of the following positions:

Assignment #2

Dry hump (is there a more appropriate term for that?) in one of the following positions:

Assignment #3
Cunnilingus in one of the three following positions:

Remember, this is supposed to be fun. 

(Beaver earmuff picture courtesy of


Hello all!

Welcome to Lambie's TRAMPS. This is an adult blog, I'm assuming that if you're reading it that you're an adult and that you're going to behave appropriately. In the interest of being responsible in our research, we do have at last one male who will be blogging with us. I would advise anyone who is intending to play along at home to take all necessary precautions to ensure his/her mental and physical health and well being. In addition, these activities will most likely be strenuous so one should, as with any exercise program, consult an MD if there are concerns about one's physical health.

All of the disclaimer stuff is officially out of the way, I think.

TRAMPS is an acronym for: Twisted Research And Many Positions for Sexytimes
We owe Shalu for our name. I am officially not going to wear the T-shirt, if we make one, because I am a stick in the mud.

The Sex Deck does exist. For those of you who aren't aware it is available on Amazon.

If no one minds I'm going t look at this as a bit of an experiment and I'll be testing out a couple of hypotheses as we go along.

There are two outcomes that I expect from this experiment I anticipate that participants will experience greater closeness and sexual gratification with her/his selected partner through engaging in challenging sexual activity on a regular basis, and that participants will find that more sexual positions are possible than initially thought.

Couples will engage in coital activity specified on the cards selected by Lambcullen and report back on the experience. The only measure used to collect data will be self-report.

Beds, chairs, pillows, necessary props

Supposing that I'm not a complete and total slacker some relevant research and an introduction may be available regarding this project in the near future.


I forgot to say where the TRAMPS bit comes from. The acroniym was coined by the inimitible shalu, herself an author of award winning stories.

TRAMPS = Twisted Research And Many Positions for Sexytimes.



TILT is a new Twilight Fanfiction written by Lambcullen

SUMMARY- MAN WANTED: 52 cards. 52 Positions. Can an internet advertisement really bring two people together? Even if it's only based on sex? AU/AH/OOC Canon Couples.

This is an Edward/Bella story. Both are shy, geeky and with little sexual experience. They are going to take part in a little research with the aid of Sex Deck a pack of cards illustrating 52 playful positions to spice up your love life.

This is a journey of discovery and you are invited to join them on their journey.

We are a group of dedicated readers who have selflessly volunteered with our partners to help out researching the various positions. Lambie is all about authenticity.

So far the story has a Prologue and 1 Chapter. I believe Lambie intends to update weekly and once things get going she hopes to cover one or more cards a week. Is that right Lambie?

What can you do? Leave comments!

What do you think of the story so far? What have been your experiences of whatever is the current position? What would you like to see Edward and Bella try out next?